I m not leaving my seat let alone a secure connection!

It says you are about to leave a secure Internet connection. Can't it see that I'm going no where and am just sitting in front of it??? What? That was just a web page message?
Dated 5 April 2006

LAN gaming is not Speed Dating for God's sake!!!

I think John got the concept of speed dating all mixed up with LAN gaming...he's jumping from PC to PC quickly and is getting beaten black n blue :)

My computer can see!!!

Tech Support? Hi! Are you really sure this computer cannot see??? There are no speakers here and it says "No audio device"!!!

A mouse is ok...but what about a lion or a tiger???

I'm happy that they have a mouse for the computer but don't they offer any dogs or cats? And what about all the exotic animals out there...any chance of a lion or tiger???

Computers hibernate too???

Tech Support? Hi! I just hit the hibernate button on my computer by mistake. How long does it hibernate? And does this happen with computers up north alone???

This error is too hard for my computer!

Computer Store? Hi! you guys didnt tell me there were computers with different levels of smartness. This one just tells me "Unknown Hard Error". Go figure what it says!

Is a successfully working thing a problem?

It says "The procedure failed with the following error: The command completed successfully" Now what is the error it is talking about???

Shh! Don't make noise while I work

Whenever I click or do something you keep making some noise. What's the big deal here? Can't you see that I'm writing out a love letter and wanna surprise Martha?

Is my neighbor stealing my connection?

I'm quite concerned about a possible theft of my Internet connection. Can my neighbour use my connection from his cellphone in any way???

Wizard this..wizard that...is this a magic computer???

Computer Store? Hi! I'm just a bit confused out here. I see this computer talk a lot about wizards...I'm wondering if my computer got swapped with some magician's computer?

CIA..my comp says Intel inside..any files missing?

CIA? I bought my computer from a neighbourhood store and am reporting a possible security leak. It has a sticker that says "Intel Inside"...any intelligence report missing???

Why buy a webcam when i can open the windows?

You say people can see what I'm doing here from their place if I have a webcam. But why don't I just open the windows...isn't that easier???

Mode M...mode Money you mean???

Tech Support? Hi! People say I gotta have a Mode M to go on the Internet. What modes does this computer have and does this have Mode M???

Something's not getting launched...is this for me?

Hello Police? My computer says "Setup failed to launch installation engine". Please pass that message to people who can make sense of it!

Well...where's the windows again?

Computer Store? Hi! I was promised that my computer would have windows. I don't think the glass up front can be opened. Is that a window or did you miss that???

When will this hatch???

Computer store? I am not sure how much time I must wait for this to hatch. When will my computer start to work out here? Any ideas???

I didn't know computers drank coffee!!!

Why can't these programs stay instead of running away???

It says "Setup has detected other programs running". Tell me this - how can I get those programs to stay here? They seemed to be running somewhere all the time!

CD Writer? What does it write? Fiction?

"This computer comes with a CD writer?" Oh! Does it write too? What kinda work does it do - novels, fiction or is it non-fiction or what???

Page not found? Where'd my new neighbour go???

"Page Not Found"? What page were you looking for? Did you lose something when Martha was looking up her Bank account? Or do you mean that cute neighbour, Page???

Page Up and Page Down is fine but where's the page??

Did you guys send everything that goes with the computer? I see Page Up and Page Down but where are the books and pages that come alongwith this computer???

What Spyware do you have and what did you spy???

They say you could have spyware. Tell me honestly what are you here for? And yeah...hope you haven't taken any pics of Martha to sell to any of those websites!

At least it's not "Whatever"!

I'm calling to thank you for giving me a good computer. At least it says "Invalid Argument" and not Whatever like my girlfriend says!

Press DEL to enter SETUP is all this can do!!!

Everytime I switch it on, it says "Press DEL to enter SETUP". On pressing DEL it gets me into a geeky screen. Is that all it knows???

Send the Task Manager over

Tech Support? I need help closing a program that does not stop. What? Task Manager? Ok...Send him across to my place. Thanks!